One day, I was hanging out with a good friend, and in conversation, she told me her grandmother had sent her a book called The Rules. Both my friend and I had heard of this book, and basically knew what it was about: specific rules of what to do, and what not to do when meeting/dating a new guy. My friend took out the book, and we leafed through it. After a brief look, we both decided that overall, we weren't planning to take their "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" too seriously.

Curiosity satisfied, I thought that'd be it for The Rules with me. Not so. Coincidentally, my stepmother gave me the same book a few months later. "Thanks a lot," I thought, "Is this your subtle -- or not so subtle -- way of telling me I'm acting the wrong way with guys?" I wasn't going to read any more of it, but then one night, just for the hell of it, I picked up the book. I ended up reading the whole thing!

For the sake of this guide, I'm glad I did. Along with my own ideas I was planning to cover, reading The Rules brought to my attention a crucial point I now need to mention, in my quest to provide you with as much inside information as I can.

For all you shy guys out there, be warned: For every girl who reads The Rules, chances are she will be one more girl you will NOT meet if you continue your shy ways. That's because the fundamental rule the book tells girls is: "Never talk to the guy first." The authors of the book treat talking to the guy first like a cardinal sin. They also say if a girl breaks this rule, and does talk to the guy first, any future relationship the two of them may have will be destined for failure.

So if you're out and about, and see a girl you want to meet (but are waiting for her to talk to you first, because you're shy), you may very well be waiting forever. You can't be passive and wait for her to talk to you -- if you want to meet her, you've GOT to make the first move, no matter how hard it may be. But you needn't despair, because now you've found Laura's "Shy Guy's Guide," and I'm completely on your side. Together we will conquer those shy demons!

However, after reading this guide, don't expect your shyness to immediately disappear, and be magically replaced by new-found confidence -- this undertaking is a process, with difficult work to be done. But not too difficult that it can't be done. As with anything else in life -- if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen.

One final thing to mention before we begin: Just as guy want to meet girls, GIRLS WANT TO MEET GUYS, and complain they don't meet them often enough. Here's your chance to do something about that!

Part I: The Before-You-Do-Anything Stage

Before you're ready to meet a new girl, you need to:

Do some work on yourself. Working on yourself will strengthen your self-confidence. (You can never have enough self-confidence when trying to meet a new girl you find attractive). What kind of "work" am I referring to? Only YOU know the true answer to this. We all have different areas we know we need to work on, which, if we pursue, can make us feel better about ourselves. For some of us, it may be the need to exercise, and get in better shape. Or for others, to do the many projects that are continuously ignored. Whatever it is you know you should really do for yourself, DO IT! If you make the effort to improve those certain areas in your life needing attention, you will naturally begin to feel better about yourself, and thus become more attractive to others.

Not look like a slob. I can say this because on the whole, girls spend a ton of time and energy trying to look good, so the least you can do is not look like a slob. If you're going to a party or social event, make a point of cleaning yourself up, and put on some decent clothes. You will appear more attractive to prospective dates, which is definitely something you want.

After you've given some serious attention to what was said in Part I, you're ready to move onto Part II.

Part II: The Meeting Stage

You're out and about. You see a girl who strikes your fancy. What should you look out for first?

Note the "check out" stares. If you give her a good, long stare, note if, and how, she looks back at you. If she looks your way and stares back (with perhaps a bit of a smile), you're off to a good start. If she barely looks twice, it's not a great sign. But even worse is if she knows you're looking at her, and she never seems to acknowledge you. This doesn't mean you don't have a chance, it just means you had better have an award-winning personality to get anywhere with this girl!

Now you've gotten past the "check out" phase. You've decided it would be in your best interest to go over and talk to her, and you're trying to summon up the courage. But you're at a standstill because if you DO go over to her, you don't know what you should do or say....

Prepare a bit first. Before you go over to her, think of a comment you can make about the current situation you're in that could lead to conversation. It's important to be prepared with a little something to say, rather than going up blindly (whereby you might experience a loss of words, and get all the more nervous). Example: If you're at a party, you could think up a comment about the music, or who invited you to the party/how did she get invited? If you have some prep time, I'm sure you'll be able to think up something.

Once you've thought up your comment, go up to her and (with a smile and encouraging manner), say "Hi!" As ridiculously simple as this may sound, a lot can be deciphered from how she responds to your hello -- pay attention to it. Listen carefully to the tone, and note her facial expressions.

~ If she appears to be somewhat interested in you (or is currently unsure about just what she thinks), chances are she'll give you a pleasant "hello" back, and hopefully a smile. In this case, there's no need to back down -- start pouring on your charm, and quick! Now is the time to say that comment you've previously thought up. Hopefully it will break the ice and lead to conversation.

~ If you can't tell from her response if she's interested, that's OK -- she may need to be convinced of how great you are. Try to start up a conversation, and see how it goes from there.

~ If her response is lame and/or disinterested, forget it. Cut your losses, and get yourself outta there. Oh, well -- you tried. But now you can rest at night, knowing you didn't pass up the future girl of your dreams. Had she been right for you, she wouldn't have been disinterested when you met.

The initial conversation seems to be going OK. You're thinking you like her. At this point, you should:

Be realistic about your chances. To avoid unnecessary rejection, it's best to stay within the realms of possibility. Example: One night I went out to a club in New Paltz (a town over 80 miles from where I live). I met this guy at the bar, and we started chatting. We danced several dances together. I was being friendly and sociable, but definitely not flirtatious. Later on, when he asked, I told him how old I was, and that I lived in NYC. He told me his name was Earl, his age, and he had just moved to the area from Oklahoma. Now what are the chances of me, a NYC girl living 80 miles away, who turned out to be seven years older, and "Earl from Oklahoma" being a feasible couple? Pretty nil, I think. But Earl proceeded to ask me out, which for obvious reasons, I declined. It seems to me in this case, Earl wasn't being too realistic. If he had been (and not asked me out) it would have saved him from a rejection that didn't have to happen.

You've been talking for about ten minutes. You're interested in her, but you're not quite sure if she's interested in you. What can you look for to help you to figure it out?

Does she ask you personal questions about yourself? This is a very important factor in determining a girl's interest. Scenario: You think the conversation is going well -- you're asking her all these questions about herself, and she's answering them. But just because she's answering the questions doesn't mean she's interested in you. Stop and think, "Has she asked ME any personal questions, and does she seem interested in who I am as a person?" If the answer is no, chances are good she's just being polite, and is not too interested.

Note: In this initial conversation, it's advisable NOT to volunteer all the big categories of information about yourself right away, like where you work or go to school, what you do, how old you are, where you live, etc. If you volunteer this information right away, you won't be able to apply the "asking personal questions" method of figuring out if she's interested.

Are you feeling any chemistry, electricity, and/or excitement? Rapport is of crucial importance. Are you and this girl smiling and laughing during your conversation? Do you feel sparks and electricity being created, that you think is going both ways? If you've answered "yes," this is a very good sign -- you should definitely pursue this opportunity. However, if she's standing there saying, "Uh, huh... uh, huh... yeah, right..." while you're trying your best to be charming, this situation doesn't sound overly promising.

Part III: The Asking Out Stage

You think you want to ask her out. What should you do?

Cover your bases before taking the big "asking out" plunge. Check your status on the above pointers before asking her out. How do things rate in these areas:

1. Is a romance with this girl a realistic possibility?

2. Did she ask you any personal questions?

3. Are you feeling electricity between the two of you?

If you answered yes to these three points, go for it -- your chances are very good.

But, if things didn't go as well as planned (you were turned down):

Don't take rejection too personally. The girl could already be involved with someone, or fresh out of a relationship and not wanting to get involved again too soon -- the list of reasons for getting rejected can go on and on. You could be the most fantastic and appropriate person on earth, yet rejected, for a reason none other than bad timing. It's important to realize that being rejected is sometimes not at all your fault, and is not due to any sort of character deficiency on your part.

Or maybe she just wasn't interested in you. It happens to the best of us! Let's take yours truly, for example: Some guys have met me, been interested, and have definitely wanted to go out with me. Yet on the other hand, some guys I've met have barely wanted to give me the time of day. Despite this, I'm still the same person: attractive to some, and not to others. Just because someone I find attractive/interesting doesn't "like me" back for whatever reason, it doesn't make me any less desirable a person.