Too Good to be True? - Part Three
Ever since I told him I was looking around for someone else, he wanted to see me all the more. One night I was out, and I checked my answering machine from a friend's house. He left me a message saying: "Hmm... you're not home... where the heck are you? Maybe you're with a friend... or maybe you've already met someone else, and you're out on a date. Well, call me when you get in."
I got home an hour later, and there was another message: "I guess you're not home yet. Gee, I sure hope you get home soon, and call me, because I really want to see you. I was thinking maybe I could stop by tomorrow night around 10:30. I could stay for an hour or so, and then I could leave. Well, call me."
He had never asked to stop by and see me late at night. Never! I called him back, and said I was going out that night and didn't know when I would return, so that night wasn't good. (This was, in fact, a total fabrication -- I had no plans. I just didn't want to come running whenever he snapped his fingers.)
He called me before he was about to leave on a five-day trip with his friend, and spoke enthusiastically of the many things we could do together as soon as he returned. It seemed like he was worried I'd meet someone else while he was away, and then he wouldn't be able to see me anymore. I played (a bit) into this worry, and said, "Yeah, we'll see..." I thought the possibility of losing me might make him appreciate me more. Oh, the games we play....
We spoke the night he returned from his trip. We chatted about the trip and other random things for a while. I waited for him to ask when we could next get together. He didn't. Instead, he said, "While I was away, I did some thinking, and I've decided I really need to be single." I replied, "Uh, huh. I know. You've already told me that." "No, I mean single -- as in breaking all of my emotional ties with you. I can't see you anymore. It's not because I want to see other women -- I don't. It's because I need to be free to do my own thing now, and I don't want any emotional ties, like the ones we have."
Well, this was certainly news to me. It was an unexpected blow. I was prepared to think about seeing him in a casual manner, but I wasn't prepared to hear he wanted to completely end our involvement. After hearing he wanted to "break all emotional ties with me," I found myself pissed off. Pissed off, because his sudden change of heart came so out of the blue.
I thought back to the last weekend we were together before he left, and the especially enjoyable time we had together. On Saturday evening, he came over to my apartment, and we stayed in all night. During this night, he held me tight, and said, "I love you. I love you," and "Being in your arms is paradise." On Sunday afternoon, we went to the ballet, and he made sure to hold my hand throughout the entire show. After the ballet, we went to a nice restaurant for dinner. As we were sipping our glasses of wine, he held and caressed my hand and asked, "Will you still see me, until you meet someone else?"
When he was driving me home after the ballet and our romantic dinner, I remember thinking the fairy tale was ending -- he was going away, and I wouldn't see him again for a while. I didn't know, however, it would turn into "never again."
I said to him, "You know, in your sweet little way, you've really f**ked with my emotions." "Oh... I'm sorry you think that," was his lame response.
I went to sleep at 1 a.m. that night. I didn't sleep very soundly, and then woke up at five in the morning, still upset and annoyed. At 6 o'clock, I decided to call his machine and leave a message (I knew the phone wouldn't wake him up, because he turns the ringer off at night). With my voice faltering, I left this message:
Hi, it's Laura. I don't know if you're thinking about me at all this morning. Well, I woke up thinking about you. Thinking that you really suck! You've f**ked me over, played with my emotions. Your little 'I'm sorry' doesn't mean much to me -- I don't accept your apology. At this point, I wish I hadn't met you -- you've caused me more distress than it was worth. You're NOT my earth angel. My earth angel wouldn't have strung me along with 'I love you, I love you' and then tossed me aside on a whim like you did. I didn't deserve that. I just wanted to let you how I feel. Bye.
Yeah, bye. When we broke up the first time, it was really hard to think I wouldn't be seeing him anymore, because every moment we were together we shared such kindness and love. Back then I wished he would have done something mean to me, so I'd be mad, and then it would be easier to not see him. Well, two breakups later, it seems I got my wish.